It is eight peaceful and happy days today the thirtieth day of August 2010 since I came over with Emmy from Entebbe to spend some time together in the village.
Our first three nights were free of bedwetting though punctuated with cries of milk and visits to the bathroom for short calls. As play increased sleep became less interrupted but the bedwetting started with more water intake and no night visits to the bathroom.
I have not been perturbed by the bedwetting, though, because it has meant to me longer and less interrupted sleep streams for me too. Waking up at certain intervals has become automatic for me, though, just to check that the young man is sleeping aright – well covered and lying in the right position with the mosquito net well tucked in.
Our first three days alone in the village were full of anxiety of how I was going to manage taking care of this little boy without the mother for two weeks, especially coming at a time I had just got some employment that required daily travel to town that meant leaving Emmy under another person’s care. As time wore on, though, the anxiety passed only to return momentarily yesterday.
Having managed the past one week so well, I kind of felt that Sunday was the perfect day to have the boy returned to his mother. I also began to feel that anything more than one week away from the mother was tantamount to doing injustice to the young man, for he had enough of my company even if he had hardly asked for mommy.
My fears were confirmed last evening when I put on our wedding video to watch together with Emmy shortly after a phone call from his mother. After a few minutes who curiously and attentive watching, Emmy suddenly said what he had never said before: “I want to enter the computer and be with my mommy in the car.”
Emmy has on several occasions watched photos and videos of me and Gertrude and has never gone beyond pointing excitedly “mommy” or “daddy”. Surely, this time round things were different as he seemed to express some kind of desperation to have some yearning met. For several moments he came to a point of tears but as the laptop kept on hanging and finally shutting down, he gave up his request to join his mother and father in the wedding ceremony in the computer. Emmy said, “Stupid computer” several times before he finally dosed off in my arms.
What a relief it was for me to have Emmy give up on his demand to be with his mother last night. It was a great relief because I saw myself getting in between a rock and a hard place if the demand carried on into the next day. I have a wedding to attend with Emmy on Saturday 4th September 2010 before traveling back to Entebbe the following day.
Traveling to Entebbe before Saturday to return Emmy to the mother would not only be expensive but also an inconvenience to my current employer. Thank God another night is here and Emmy is as happy and healthy as he has been the past eight days.
I was away today for nearly eight hours but Emmy was glad to spend the dusk and evening with me riding in our car and chatting together about the car, cows, gees, big Lorries and his friends back in Entebbe. When I say chatting, I mean serious talking business here with my man Emmy.
Emmy turned two on July 24th and it is amazing to me how much he has grown up intellectually. His vocabulary has widened, so has his memory sharpened. He can now make longer sentences, pronounce words better and recall names and places better.
When we approached home on Sunday Emmy started talking about opening the gate as we pulled down the road along our fence – meaning he recognized the place and recalled there is a gate to go through. And when we finally got out of the car, Emmy said, “Welcome home daddy.” I was so delighted that it was one of the first things I shared with his mother in a telephone conversation later that evening. There is a lot more that Emmy says or does that continues to both amaze and make me glad that has made our stay together such a wonderful time that I will live to cherish as long as life lasts.
Emmy now understands that the laptop, camera, car and a few other items at home are not toys for him to play with but important tools that serve the family. Emmy no longer dashes into any smartly dressed man’s arms as he used to but takes his time to get familiar with the person before let them touch him. He is a lot more conscious about his hygiene even if he still takes a lot to his mouth that he ought not. He can now brush his teeth rather eat the toothpaste as he used to. He demands for his ball to be washed when it gets dirty and Emmy asks for his potty when nature calls. We might have said bye to diapers save may be when he starts school in February 2011.
There has been a lot of life in the past short eight days. I am going to miss him a lot when he goes back to the mother.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Happiness: Me, My Dog, Cat and Ball
Young people who are thinking of marriage often ask me questions related to that subject and more often than not they seem to be either surprised or disappointed with my answers. Equally surprised are some people who have been in married longer than me who come with beaming smiles to me asking about my married life vs. my previous single life.
I have often said to the young people who come to me with their questions about marriage that I am probably the wrong person to approach because I have only been married for five years as compared to a single life till the age of thirty nine. The implication is that I probably know more about single life than I know about marriage. And to my married friends I usually say that I am yet to find my married life to be more than or as fulfilling as my single life was.
Some people find the preceding response so shocking that they imagine I am contemplating divorce. Far from it; I treasure my marriage as much as I am being sincere about my experience so far. I was as happy as I could be when I was single and I was rather disappointed with some married people who either despised me or thought I was abnormal being single close to forty. Some thought I was merely pretending to be happy, while others said that I was simply mean.
I remember a lady saying to me that I needed to live a full life. Her perception of a full life is that one needed to be married. Another lady that I met on a visit to a clinic asked me in a conversation if I was married and when I said I was single she said, “Why are you selfish, you need to share your life with someone.”
Well to myself, I was living a full life that I was enjoying and sharing with other people. My house was full of children, relatives and friends and I was not grumbling.
I remember at one time back in 1998 when I was living with my nephew Shadrach, a primary schoolboy and we had a lovely playful dog called Spunky and beautiful named Snoopy, a colleague remarked: ”How can a man be happy with just a dog, a cat and a ball?”
I used to leave for home after work on Saturday morning with such haste and enthusiasm that some of my colleagues my section used to wonder what exciting thing I often looked forward to on weekends. My answer was simple: I am going home to spend time with my nephew and cat, play ball and jog with my dog. And that made my day. Meanwhile the colleagues that had this particular interest in my life went off on drinking and pork eating spree on weekends often in the company of the lady folk.
It was after a weekend visit by my colleagues to my bedsitter in a suburb of Kampala that one of them made that remark about happiness and dog, cat and ball that has since then stuck to my memory. It was encouraging to realize from friends and colleagues that the joy and contentment that I experienced each day was evident despite my humble existence and the fact that I was single in my late thirties.
I have met people who associate happiness with having abundance of materials things, lots of money, a good job or a spouse. Well, we would all be better off having much of what the world has to offer but what if these things do not come our way, shall we forever be miserable?
I lost my “big job” more than eight months ago but I am still living a happy life despite the challenges and disappointments that I have continually faced. I remember a lady saying to me more than three years ago that I was happy because I had a big job and a car. that I have continually faced. I remember a lady saying to me more than three years ago that I was happy because I had a big job and a car. Yes indeed the “big job” and the car afforded me a modest life but my joy was not dependent on them rather my attitudes and what is to be found in the heart because it preceded the material things that the job brought into my life.
Two weeks ago a doctor offered me a three months assignment to be his estates manager at a wage of two hundred thousand Ugandan shillings per month and a daily allowance of one thousand shillings that gladly accepted.
Two days ago, though, during a lunch break I found myself looking back at my former job comparing my previous salary of over one million Ugandan shillings and the field allowance of fifty four thousand shillings each night spent in the field and my current pay. I found myself in a moment of self pity that seemed to instantly draw out the hope and faith of a breakthrough in the not so distant future. Earlier in the day I had received a mail informing that a position that I had applied for in some big American Non-governmental organization had been filled, dashing my hopes of a better paying job sooner than later.
The effect of the self pity and the disappointment was a momentary loss of enthusiasm in my current assignment that if I had left to carry on was going to lead to depression. I realized that looking back at the good times was taking away my focus from what the current assignment could help me do e.g. bringing me in contact with various people other than the rural setting I was largely confining myself to.
Brooding over the past and forgetting to be thankful for what I already have was quickly stealing away not only my joy but also my dreams. It is no wonder that somebody said that pain is inevitable but misery is a choice. I choose to be happy.
I have often said to the young people who come to me with their questions about marriage that I am probably the wrong person to approach because I have only been married for five years as compared to a single life till the age of thirty nine. The implication is that I probably know more about single life than I know about marriage. And to my married friends I usually say that I am yet to find my married life to be more than or as fulfilling as my single life was.
Some people find the preceding response so shocking that they imagine I am contemplating divorce. Far from it; I treasure my marriage as much as I am being sincere about my experience so far. I was as happy as I could be when I was single and I was rather disappointed with some married people who either despised me or thought I was abnormal being single close to forty. Some thought I was merely pretending to be happy, while others said that I was simply mean.
I remember a lady saying to me that I needed to live a full life. Her perception of a full life is that one needed to be married. Another lady that I met on a visit to a clinic asked me in a conversation if I was married and when I said I was single she said, “Why are you selfish, you need to share your life with someone.”
Well to myself, I was living a full life that I was enjoying and sharing with other people. My house was full of children, relatives and friends and I was not grumbling.
I remember at one time back in 1998 when I was living with my nephew Shadrach, a primary schoolboy and we had a lovely playful dog called Spunky and beautiful named Snoopy, a colleague remarked: ”How can a man be happy with just a dog, a cat and a ball?”
I used to leave for home after work on Saturday morning with such haste and enthusiasm that some of my colleagues my section used to wonder what exciting thing I often looked forward to on weekends. My answer was simple: I am going home to spend time with my nephew and cat, play ball and jog with my dog. And that made my day. Meanwhile the colleagues that had this particular interest in my life went off on drinking and pork eating spree on weekends often in the company of the lady folk.
It was after a weekend visit by my colleagues to my bedsitter in a suburb of Kampala that one of them made that remark about happiness and dog, cat and ball that has since then stuck to my memory. It was encouraging to realize from friends and colleagues that the joy and contentment that I experienced each day was evident despite my humble existence and the fact that I was single in my late thirties.
I have met people who associate happiness with having abundance of materials things, lots of money, a good job or a spouse. Well, we would all be better off having much of what the world has to offer but what if these things do not come our way, shall we forever be miserable?
I lost my “big job” more than eight months ago but I am still living a happy life despite the challenges and disappointments that I have continually faced. I remember a lady saying to me more than three years ago that I was happy because I had a big job and a car. that I have continually faced. I remember a lady saying to me more than three years ago that I was happy because I had a big job and a car. Yes indeed the “big job” and the car afforded me a modest life but my joy was not dependent on them rather my attitudes and what is to be found in the heart because it preceded the material things that the job brought into my life.
Two weeks ago a doctor offered me a three months assignment to be his estates manager at a wage of two hundred thousand Ugandan shillings per month and a daily allowance of one thousand shillings that gladly accepted.
Two days ago, though, during a lunch break I found myself looking back at my former job comparing my previous salary of over one million Ugandan shillings and the field allowance of fifty four thousand shillings each night spent in the field and my current pay. I found myself in a moment of self pity that seemed to instantly draw out the hope and faith of a breakthrough in the not so distant future. Earlier in the day I had received a mail informing that a position that I had applied for in some big American Non-governmental organization had been filled, dashing my hopes of a better paying job sooner than later.
The effect of the self pity and the disappointment was a momentary loss of enthusiasm in my current assignment that if I had left to carry on was going to lead to depression. I realized that looking back at the good times was taking away my focus from what the current assignment could help me do e.g. bringing me in contact with various people other than the rural setting I was largely confining myself to.
Brooding over the past and forgetting to be thankful for what I already have was quickly stealing away not only my joy but also my dreams. It is no wonder that somebody said that pain is inevitable but misery is a choice. I choose to be happy.
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